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02.25.2004 dreamsomeI've been getting a lot of action in my dreams lately. Monday night John Cusack was my boyfriend, and when he kissed me, I discovered he had a mouth full of cottage cheese. Which isn't so odd considering I'd made a Say Anything... reference and ate some cottage cheese that day, but still - eww. Otherwise, he was a good boyfriend, very sweet and protective. Last night I was violated in a number of delightful ways by another actor. And a week ago, I was willingly seduced by a suave fictional serial killer, knowing full-well he was going to kill me afterwards, which really makes that whole cottage cheese thing seem almost sane by comparison. Have I mentioned that I watch too much TV? Before the Celebrity Sexmatch began, one ex after another began appearing in my dreams, as if systematically reporting for long-overdue exit interviews. They've been pleasant, chaste dreams, and I'm vaguely wistful upon waking, but it feels like one last look before I'm really ready to move on. I figure this is all just a necessary and integral part of my Romantic Retirement, which may be one of the best ideas I've ever had for myself. I really wasn't sure it was doing me any good until Valentine's Day came along, a day I normally hate above all others, a day that has sucked even when I had a boyfriend. The Dreaded Day loomed and I realized that I was fine, not bitter or mournful, actually kind of looking forward to it. The Dreaded Day came and I felt happy and serene. Why? Because for the 1st time since kindergarten, I had NO expectations for anything, no secret hopes for some romantic gesture from any source, and therefore nothing to be disappointed about. I had love for myself, love for my friends and family, and that was enough, in fact that was great! It was very freeing. And this is just what I've been seeking during this little sabbatical: a feeling that I'm enough on my own, that I don't need someone else or their approval to be worthy and happy and OK. But I still want someone, someday, just not any ol' someone. It's gotta be right, it's gotta be great, it's gotta be worth coming out of retirement. I want someone who'll really set my heart a-flutter, without me fluttering to change and demure just to please them, ignoring those nagging knots of doubt that something just ain't right. Hopefully, when the time comes, I'll be less foolish than I have been in the past, after learning the hard way, several ways, several times over. In the meantime, I continue to dream... 02.12.2004 rumors of my death have been greatly exaggeratedHey look everyone, it's a whole new month now! You'll be glad (maybe) to know I'm not dead. I haven't been on vacation, either, so thanks for rubbing that in. Instead, I've been busy working on two other websites, and learning more about CSS positioning, just like I said I would. I'm unconvinced that The Truth Shall Set You Free, frequently The Truth has shackled me to a rock and left me for dead, but I am convinced that CSS positioning will set my web-designing self free. It is so precise and yet non-linear all at once, and I think I may love it. In fact, I am very close to rereleasing the current version of Tallulahville with NO TABLES. I never liked tables to begin with (the HTML kind, I mean), and now I may never use them again if I can avoid it. The only trouble I'm having is with the footer. Turns out I'm not the only one, though. If anyone can tell me how to make one work with a 2-column float layout (or at all), I'll think about naming my first child after you or someone else I like. But I haven't forgotten about you. In fact, I made something for you, because you're my Favorite. So I made you a Favorites Icon! Look in your browser's address bar and you should see it. Re-bookmark Tallulahville (because I know it's already one of your favorites) and you should see it. If you don't see it, don't worry, it just means I don't like you. Or, it just means Internet Explorer and Safari don't like either of us, because they don't seem to want to cooperate. After all the time we've spent together, you'd think they could show a little love. |