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06.24.2003 I am Jack's* new obsessionThis weekend I finally joined the rest of society and bought a DVD player. I know, big friggin' deal, that's what I thought too...until I got it all set up, connected to my stereo, and realized about 2 minutes into Fight Club that this was going to be my new obsession. By the next day I had concluded that I need a new TV (because since when have I ever been half-assed about an obsession) and was trolling the local library's sparse DVD collection looking for a cheap fix. Still, as addictions/obsessions go, this is one of my more innocuous. That's why there should be nothing stopping you from buying me all those DVDs on my Amazon wishlist now, to prove your love. Come on, what else do you have to do with your money? Food, shelter, what? Get your priorities in order, people. * (well, Tallulah's, actually, but you get the idea) 06.18.2003 color me weirdHave you ever gone to dress yourself for the day and had a strong desire to wear a particular color because only that color will express your current mood and state of mind, only to realize you don't own any garments that color, or the one you do is buried so deeply and disgustingly in your laundry basket an entire bottle of Febreeze couldn't save it, and so you begrudgingly choose something in another shade and move on with your life, but for the rest of the day, things are just a tiny bit off, because that light blue (or black or puce or whatever) feeling you were having never got expressed? No? Just me? OK, well, just checking. 06.15.2003 complimentary drinksShe wanted to tell him that she wasn't what he saw, that she was wary and weary of lust, that she longed to be wanted for something more, and that the notion of Someone New made her want to break down weeping, but those weren't the kind of things she could share in a room full of noise and strangers, with love so close and yet so far. 06.12.2003 fair warningStill feeling combustible...magnetic...slighty obsessed. I know things. I should probably not be allowed out of the house. I don't quite know what to do with myself. I'm sure others have ideas. 06.10.2003 everybody I love youSince lately you may have noticed a little man-hating sentiment from me here or elsewhere and that's so not who I am or want to be, I'd like to give a shout-out to a few good men I definitely DON'T hate: Jeff - for listening Thanks, guys. Love, (My girls already know I love 'em...right?!?!? Well I do of course, bigtime, but that's another post...) 06.06.2003 trashed"Dog new tricks these questions are probably rhetoricalSometimes, you know things, but it takes a while to really realize what you know. What I've realized lately is just how much I've felt I don't measure up for the men in my life, for about as long as I can remember. Whether I'm too much or not enough, the more I care the more I will chase after that approval like an angry dog who just won't let go of the tether that's dragging him carelessly along. Why??? Why do so many smart, talented, beautiful, wonderful women let men make them feel absolutely worthless? "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent," said Eleanor Roosevelt. Why do we give you that power? Why is it so damn important? Father issues, yes, duh, societal expectations, ok, fine, but when you are smart enough to know better and yet it keeps happening to you and every equally-savvy woman you know, how do you make it stop? How do you not let the pursuit of love - the one thing everyone wants whether they'll cop to it or not - from one or any man, from completely ruling your life? And men, why do you pursue women so relentlessly, only to exhibit such disregard for them once you "get" them? Do you simply loathe yourselves so much that you can't believe we'd lower ourselves to associate with you? Do you not understand that we are humans too, neither whores nor goddesses, and that the standards and double-standards you sometimes hold us to are ridiculous? And do you not realize that we see through your bravado, all the machinations you go through to impress us without looking like you're trying to impress us, that we know you are really deeply insecure and largely full of shit and we don't care, because we adore you just the same, just as you are? And with all this running and chasing, chasing and running going on, how the hell does anyone ever get, or stay, together? I'm just wondering. 06.05.2003 good thoughtsOh, I'm a mess, but this is helping me right now. 06.02.2003 one simple tip for living life right1. Don't follow my lead. |