05.28.2002

3-day wasteland

you know your life is seriously out of whack when at some point during a 3-day weekend, you find yourself eager to go back to work, not because you are so enamored with your job, but because you are so deeply disenchanted with your personal life. nevertheless, I was able to pass the time by:

  • seeing About A Boy, which is actually about a couple of Boys. regardless, I would recommend it to most Boys and those unfortunate enough to love them.
  • buying and absorbing the new Elvis Costello CD. I read a review saying that EC uses so many metaphors on this disc, it's hard to tell exactly what it is he's going on about, and I tend to agree, but there is something about the way he spits out lyrics with unbashed scorn and petty vindictiveness that I find strangely comforting, especially considering that I don't much care for that sort of tone in real life. but music is not real life. if it was, Love really would be All You Need and money would be obsolete. for instance.
  • watching the season finale of Buffy, which I found somewhat listless and disappointing, although I may have gotten it confused with my life.
  • spreading joy like a fine layer of manure on a corn field.

4:17 PM | Comments (0)

05.20.2002

escape

I need a vacation in a big, bad way.

4:55 PM | Comments (0)

05.12.2002

[untitled]

I have always known the power of words, and most folks would say I'm pretty good with them. but I've never learned how to defend myself in an argument. it's a skill I never picked up, perhaps because it would make me the person I didn't want to be: the father for whom being right was more important than being compassionate, the authority figures who spit out patronizing proclamations to keep me cowed, the trusted friend who spread lies about me to prevent me from usurping from her a power I didn't even want, the relative who still masks hurts by cruelly exploiting the weaknesses of her loved ones, with nary a second thought to the aftermath. I learned early on how easy it was to weild my wit in a similarly brutal fashion, and it's a weapon I take pains to keep contained. but I still don't know how to defend myself in an argument. I can't think on my feet, the best defense never pops in my head, my usual eloquence flies out the window as embattled emotion takes over, blindsided by the attack. so now every muscle in my body is tense, poised in preparation for the next words to fly towards me, wondering if they will be another devastating blow to the gut or a kiss blown in the wind. and either way, I don't how to prepare.

11:08 PM | Comments (0)

05.10.2002

things I don't or won't do

  1. Cheat.
  2. Lie.
  3. Steal.
  4. Kill. (Unless you're a cockroach, then say hello to Raid.)
  5. Hurt someone I care about intentionally. For that matter, hurt anyone intentionally.
  6. Drink orange juice that has pulp in it. Revolting!
  7. Stop caring, even when it appears otherwise.
  8. Get it right all the time, every time.
Unfortuately, these are not the sorts of things you can get a nice little official certificate for to hand to others to convince them as such.

11:51 PM | Comments (0)

05.07.2002

stormfront

...and you know how it is when it looks like Spring is finally here, so you stash away your winter togs and break out the beachwear, only to have the temperature drop and the clouds roll back in? that's how the week is going.

4:38 PM | Comments (0)

05.06.2002

a light thru the clouds

so, you know how it goes when the days have been gray for a spell too long and you're thinking, "if it keeps on rainin, the levee's goin to break", and then suddenly the sun emerges all unexpected-like and it's barbecues and good times again? that's what my weekend was like.

2:17 PM | Comments (0)