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10.31.2000 twitterpatedTonight was a good night. A real good night. Except perhaps for the moment when I publicly discovered that tallulahville.com on Netscape on a Mac is a bad, bad thing, and not in a "fun" bad way, neither. I'll have to do something 'bout that. But you know I never said this was the best I could do. If I did, I was lying. God, I hope I was lying. Anyway, I already decided to remodel, and after viewing some supercool sites tonight I have seen the Flash-ing light...illuminating the fact that I really know damn near nothin'. Ah well, not like that was a revelation. I'm nearing an endorphin overload that's been building steadily all day and is about to reach critical mass because I just realized there's a basketball game on. You know how I feel about basketball. Sigh...I need to get a grip. Today I remarked to my friend Janis that I've never done drugs because it's always seemed so redundant given my personality, and I think my behavior today amply attests to that. I think I reached about a 9.5 on the full-on Tallulah scale. Luckily no one was injured. But no one gets hurt in Tallulahville. We're all about the love here, sugah! Weeeeeeeeee...supa-dupa-loopy today. Wow. I feel the T for Trouble in Tallulah rearing its mischievious little head. Trouble is good! Trouble is fun! No No NO! Trouble BAD! Bad Tallulah! Jiminy Christmas. I need Ritalin. A tranquilizer dart shot in my hindquarters. Something. Sheesh. 10.30.2000 washed upMy home is now littered with soap-making paraphenalia...the aftermath of my failed attempt to make soap (duh) for a class project (promotional design using an original logo). In my mind's eye, boy oh boy was it cool. In reality, boy oh boy was it a mess. Any notions I might have had of taking up soap-making full-time have been dashed, utterly. Washed down the drain, as it were. Luckily I had no such notions so I'm quite ok with it. So, in the fine tradition set forth since, uh...my birth, near as I can tell, I'll be completing this project at the last minute, like tomorrow, quite possibly during class, when it's due. But why mess with success, right? I've come to the current conclusion that the thing I need to change in my life is a lack of consistency. I lack focus. I lack continuity. There is too much of everything in my life and it's all over the place. I need to pick a theme and stick with it. But really, this theory is bogus because I'm actually already quite consistent in a number of ways. For instance:
I don't even really like being consistent all that much, so I'm not even sure where I was going with this one. And you know why? Because I'm consistently making it up as I go! 10.29.2000 too muchToo much in my head tonight. As in, there's too much in there and I'm too much in there. Will have to think about this some more (irony!) and write later. Things have got to change, and that's like the bazillionth time I've thought that in the last year. I wasn't kidding when I said I have a little problem maintaining the status quo. At least maybe for now I can correct the link problems that were magically inserted for me during the last update...technology gets the upper hand again... 10.26.2000 mental bulimiaI've been having one of those days where I feel the need to purge. I go through these phases of compulsive acquisition, usually followed by an equally compulsive clearing phase in which I get rid of things, sometimes even the same things I just finished acquiring. This doesn't always involve material items, sometimes I collect and purge thoughts, feelings, worries, dreams, various information both useful and not. Often there's nothing really wrong with the old stuff, I just like the change. It's like I need to clear space in my brain and my life just so it can contain all that I want it to hold. I'm gearing up to acquire a lot of new knowledge and experiences and related accessories and now I feel like doing things like cleaning out my closets for the 3rd time this season, eliminating old habits, letting go of things that no longer serve me. I think this is good. I hope this is good. Really I don't know any other way to be. This constant renovation gets me into trouble sometimes, though. Not too long ago I realized that my relationships usually crash and burn because I'm a fix-it kinda gal and I seem to gravitate toward it-ain't-broke kinda guys. I envy people who are happy with the way things are but I think I would have to sustain a massive head trauma to ever join their contented ranks. I need someone who's on the same quest as I am, but won't interfere with mine and won't get bent out of shape when I offer suggestions for theirs. Basically I guess I want someone mentally mobile. I want a partner in crime. I want a lot of things. I want to finish this entry so I can go to bed. As you can see, I'm finally starting to get some graphics thrown in to the mix. I've got a long way to go but it's a start. There are just so many things I want to do with this site and my life in general that I don't even know where to begin, and I want to do all of it at once. No wonder I need to purge. And speaking of purging, it's time to start archiving this stuff. 10.24.2000 more human than human, more tallulah than tallulahBeen feeling sharp as a pillow and generally out of sorts this week, the very not-me kind of mood I hate. But I went to my commercial art class tonight and damn if I don't feel all but completely renewed. Being there is like being around my dearest friends, I'm the best of all possible me's at those times. All my wacky ways spill out unfettered and no one seems to mind, or want to call the authorities. It's a better-than-Martha-Stewart good thing. And may I say how life-affirming it is to finally have some clear idea of what you should and want to do with your life? Well I think I just did! Maybe that's why I can't work up a respectable amount of panic about my current state of employment; I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and this just feels like a little pothole on the way. Either that or I'm in heavy, heavy denial. Maybe both. But I really like my original theory oh so much better. Just three short days til another life-affirming experience: a road trip to Dayton, Iowa to see my favorite band in the whole wide world, Noble Savage, rock what may be the only house TO rock in Dayton. And the extra special bonus is that it's a Halloween party. I love Halloween. Nothing really stops me from playing dress-up every day of my adult life, but this is when I really get to kick out the jams. And somehow in the process of pretending to be someone else, I seem to become even more me. How weird/deep is that? 10.17.2000 distinquish thisDistinquish...with a "Q"...yep, that's how I spelled it here. Perhaps it's a sniglet: "To distinguish something squishy." Except I was referring to cars, which are pretty emphatically not squishy. Feh. I think I'll leave it that way, for character, personal amusement, whatever. We'll call it a stand against convention. Yeah. Not, "I'm too lazy to run a spell check." I've made up other words, more organically than accidentally. For instance: realiturd - That's when something you thought would be great turns out to be a big fat disappointment. Remember those Impulse Body Spray commercials from the 80's? "When a really hot stranger keeps staring at you and smiling until finally they approach to tell you you've got toilet paper stuck to your shoe -- that's realiturd." The key to realiturd, according to the parameters I'm just now making up, is that you don't really see it coming. If you expect the worst and get it, that's not realiturd, that's intuition -- really pessimistic intuition. Life is often chock-full of realiturds, which is why it's important to be in touch with: nostalgiorgasm - Say you've had a love connection and the next morning you're sitting at work mentally replaying the glorious details with such clarity that it's the next best thing to being there - in fact, a little more and you will be there, if you get my drift. That's a nostalgiorgasm. But say you're celibate, at least until proven otherwise. You can still have a nostalgiorgasm. All you need is an endorphin-inducing total recall of some happy experience. But realistically, it's much better with sex. Face it, everything's better with sex. Fewer realiturds, more nostalgiorgasms. That's why these are words to live by, kids. 10.16.2000 and so it begins...It's after 2am on a Sunday night and as usual I'm still awake, but at least it's for a worthy cause. Once I get the last of my updates uploaded (and make 7-up yours!), god help me, I think this site will finally be ready for public consumption. I should probably say something poignant to commemorate this occasion, but I'm at a rare, sleep-deprived loss for words. I'm sure tomorrow I'll have something profound to say, like "Oh no, what have I done?" or "I'm sorry my website induced your psychotic episode, please don't sue me." But tomorrow is another day. Actually tomorrow is today already. Damn. Time to put this baby to bed -- literally. In the meantime...enjoy. |