I've decided I need a hobby. Maybe a couple hobbies. Something mentally engrossing, to thoroughly divert me from my troubles, like nuclear science, or brain surgery. But interesting to me personally, so not nuclear science or brain surgery. I was thinking about taking up heroin, but I do not like needles, and ideally I would like to have some sort of output from this hobby that I find appealing, so that rules out cross-stitch, as well. I need something to do with my hands, besides slapping people, no matter how much they are begging for it. Moreover, my head will wander where it ought not if left idle, it will follow my foolish heart into murky depths neither knows how to navigate, only to be stuck in the mire, very likely dragging others along to their doom. And so, I need a hobby.

Like this, perhaps.