I'm sure you, like me, are reeling from the shocking news that Ben and J-Lo have split. Who could have seen this coming? I mean besides anyone, everyone, the blind, the stupid, the dead. Good lord, if two vapid, talentless attention whores can't make it in the crazy game of love, what hope is there for the rest of us? I weep at the thought.

To take our minds off the tragedy, I offer a semi-subjective comparison of the 4 leading web browsers available for Macs, because I'm sure someone besides me gives a damn about this, and because I am a huge, huge dork.

The contenders:

Safari (view screenshot)
Pros:
Displays Tallulahville as designed, with one key exception.
Tabbed browsing.
Popup blocking.
Integrated Google search.
Sleek, elegant interface.
2nd most screen real estate of the 4.
Easy bookmark management.
Bookmarks display as own page, so don't use up any screen real estate.
Cons:
Still getting used to the bookmarks-on-a-separate page thing.
Doesn't support ToolTips, so when you mouse over images on my site, you don't get to see the clever little messages I tuck into them. Otherwise, it's pretty much perfect.

Internet Explorer for Mac (view screenshot)
Pros:
Displays Tallulahville exactly as designed.
Variety of color schemes available.
Comfortingly familiar, like my dysfunctional family.
Cons:
No tabbed browsing.
No popup blocking.
No integrated Google search (and my beloved Google Toolbar is not available for Macs).
Bookmarks sidebar takes up way too much screen real estate, and has very limited resizing options.
Desperately needs to catch up with others in terms of features & functionality, or else beg Google to get their Toolbar Mac-compliant.

Netscape Navigator (view screenshot)
Pros:
Tabbed browsing.
Popup blocking.
Integrated Google search.
Fairly clean interface.
Supposedly skinnable, although I've yet to figure out how.
Cons:
Crashes every single time I use it, within minutes of opening program.
Also, I don't like the way it adds shadows to my horizontal lines.

Mozilla Firebird (view screenshot)
Pros:
Tabbed browsing.
Popup blocking.
Integrated Google search.
Variety of "themes" (aka, skins) available.
Most screen real estate of the 4 using "Brassy" theme/skin.
Cons:
A little unstable. But then, so am I.
Not as slick and handsome as Safari. "Brassy" theme looks like a cheap knockoff.
Takes same artistic license with my horizontal lines as Netscape. Damn anarchists.

There, I feel better now. Ben, J-Lo, and the rest of you are on your own.