Did you miss me? I missed you! Oh, it's so good to see you again. Pounce, kiss, grope, sigh. OK, that's enough, get the hell off me now.

Seriously, sorry about the longish absence. Not the new web host's fault, btw. Totally Tallulah-not-properly-backing-up-her-MT-database-before-leaving-the-old-host-and-then-not-knowing-what-to-do-about-it-and-ultimately-having-to-rebuild-everything's fault. But that falls under the category of boring technical crap, doesn't it? So instead let's say that I was off having an exciting adventure involving many colorful characters in an exotic locale.

So? I've been trying to plan a vacation. I'm convinced that lolling on a beach for a few days will cure much of what ails me. Man, am I going to be disappointed when I'm still completely fucked up when I return. Worth a shot, though. Feel free to contribute to the cause, cuz it'll be my birthday soon and I'm still pretty hurt that you haven't bought me any DVDs or otherwise tried to buy my affections, you selfish jerk.

Also, I'm having a little anxiety attack over renewing my apartment lease. It's funny, I'm all about monogamy and letting go of things I love is unbearably hard, but I practically have to be sedated to commit to things like living quarters and career paths and major purchases and sometimes even plans for the weekend. I must always have an Escape Route, if only in my mind. This is just one of many reasons why I will probably never marry, except perhaps to a narcotics dealer, or my prison warden.

My new favorite TV show is Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. I want a group of experts to come and make over MY life. I don't care if they're gay, straight, or curved, I just want them to get the job done. And I'm not just talking hair-makeup-wardrobe-decor, I want the whole damn thing overhauled. The visuals are the least of my troubles.

What amazes me about this show is how cool the makeover subjects are with being fussed over by a bunch of gay men. Most of the straight men I know would be mighty uptight about that. It's too bad, too, because the guys on the show look pretty damn hot after the Fab 5 have their way with them. Which is not to say the straight men I know aren't hot. Never mind, I quit, goodnight!