Sometimes, you know things, but it takes a while to really realize what you know. What I've realized lately is just how much I've felt I don't measure up for the men in my life, for about as long as I can remember. Whether I'm too much or not enough, the more I care the more I will chase after that approval like an angry dog who just won't let go of the tether that's dragging him carelessly along. Why??? Why do so many smart, talented, beautiful, wonderful women let men make them feel absolutely worthless? "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent," said Eleanor Roosevelt. Why do we give you that power? Why is it so damn important? Father issues, yes, duh, societal expectations, ok, fine, but when you are smart enough to know better and yet it keeps happening to you and every equally-savvy woman you know, how do you make it stop? How do you not let the pursuit of love - the one thing everyone wants whether they'll cop to it or not - from one or any man, from completely ruling your life? And men, why do you pursue women so relentlessly, only to exhibit such disregard for them once you "get" them? Do you simply loathe yourselves so much that you can't believe we'd lower ourselves to associate with you? Do you not understand that we are humans too, neither whores nor goddesses, and that the standards and double-standards you sometimes hold us to are ridiculous? And do you not realize that we see through your bravado, all the machinations you go through to impress us without looking like you're trying to impress us, that we know you are really deeply insecure and largely full of shit and we don't care, because we adore you just the same, just as you are? And with all this running and chasing, chasing and running going on, how the hell does anyone ever get, or stay, together?

I'm just wondering.