I have always known the power of words, and most folks would say I'm pretty good with them. but I've never learned how to defend myself in an argument. it's a skill I never picked up, perhaps because it would make me the person I didn't want to be: the father for whom being right was more important than being compassionate, the authority figures who spit out patronizing proclamations to keep me cowed, the trusted friend who spread lies about me to prevent me from usurping from her a power I didn't even want, the relative who still masks hurts by cruelly exploiting the weaknesses of her loved ones, with nary a second thought to the aftermath. I learned early on how easy it was to weild my wit in a similarly brutal fashion, and it's a weapon I take pains to keep contained. but I still don't know how to defend myself in an argument. I can't think on my feet, the best defense never pops in my head, my usual eloquence flies out the window as embattled emotion takes over, blindsided by the attack. so now every muscle in my body is tense, poised in preparation for the next words to fly towards me, wondering if they will be another devastating blow to the gut or a kiss blown in the wind. and either way, I don't how to prepare.