I've said this to you in private, but I want the world (or as much of as I can reach) to know that I would fight to keep you in my life. Anybody that doesn't recognize you as the lovely, talented, warm, and intelligent person that you are is an unobservant boob that needs to have electroshock treatment to make them wake up to the real world.

Is that too harsh? Are you going to ban me?

Well, it's tempting, but as long as you keep that sort of jive talk to a minimum, I think I can find it in my heart to keep you around. ;) (Thanks, darlin'.)

And now I'm going to ponder what it would be like to have observant boobs, as opposed to the useless masses I'm saddled with. I'm picturing myself as a crime-fighting superheroine whose bionic breasts collect and provide insightful information on her foes.

As the former spouse of her estranged father, I would like to be the first to grind his gonads into dust.